Bunissima

Yes, I am totally sick of it. But before I tell you what I am sick of, I will tell you why and how it has gotten to this.

First, I went to the pool. And then - maybe I got too much water in my ears- I got sick. And kept going. With the sickness but also at the pool (just the weekends though). And, the reward was great. I eventually figured out what I was doing wrong by watching the little kids swimming and I did the same things. I even learned more swimming styles like this. Water is now my friend.

Apart from the swimming accomplishment, my sister’s mouse broke. Well, I should say first drowned and then smacked itself dead on the floor. The secondary option to the scandaluos mouse lack and overwhelming mass sneezing was, undoubtfully, the TV.
I learned all the telenovelas names, the epic of each, and even the schedule. I also got my Spanish and Portuguese improved. I even learned the If conditionnal in Portuguese.

And I am now up to date with all the ads. The usual crap. Coke thinks they can make drool because you hear a guy on the phone swallowing his coke. Germanos is still taking walks and the guy that says “Because you deserve it”, while he touches his face to underline the importance of buying a men’s face cream, looks like he’s still got a lot of work to do with his persuading skills. Including himself.

Above all, I have seen lots of detergent advertising. I mean, lots. Now they have skin balm in the dish detergent, they have intelligent detergent that protects your wash machine from the chalk deposits. And there’s always Calgon…
But I am so angry. I am so totally angry. Can’t they just for once make a man advertise for detergents? Are women meant to wash until the Apocalypse? I mean yeah… I know, men don’t wash, they never have enough time, especially when someone else can do it for them. The part of the brain that is interested in detergents does not exist for men.
But can’t you, even once, for appearances, make a man advertise for detergents? Take the sexiest man, make him walk on the street, chicks turn their heads because he smells so good and his clothes are so clean and bright, there’s a happy air around, fresh and summery. And then him, at home, with a chick (not two, ’cause I tell you, women will feel cheated, but that can be given a chance). “My secret? The so and so detergent!” No more carrying the detergent everywhere you go so you can recomend it when one is in pain, no more intelligent stain detecting hype. Easy huh?

Did I tell you about that chink? I was at the pool and without wanting I heard part of a conversation of some mid-age, high class women. One of them said that she spends like 50 bucks on detergents. Each month. She was pretty proud of it too.

“Buna seara doamnelor si domnilor. In seara aceasta veti afla de ce trebuie sa aveti incredere in emisiuni tv precum raniti din dragoste sau in dragoste sau cam asa ceva, de ce locatarii unui bloc refuza sa plateasca intretinerea, de ce nu este electricitate in spitalul judetean din judetul X si de ce capra unui satean din satul Y a fost brutal ucisa intr-o conjunctura absconse intelegerii ei.
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Din cate am inteles pana acum, insotitorul caprei se afla la o bariera, asteptand sa treaca trenul. Stand el ca tot el omul, asa, cu capra de hat, la un moment dat a realizat ca in apropierea lui se certau doua persoane intr-o caruta. Nu stim exact de ce se certau, se pare ca era vorba despre cine va mana caii dupa bariera. Omul, ca orice bun cetatean, s-a gandit sa-i imbuneze pe acei oameni care isi pierdusera sensul ratiunii asupra capastrului. El si-a legat capra de bariera care era lasata in asteptarea trenului si s-a dus catre cei doi. Nu a reusit sa aplaneze conflictul pana in momentul trecerii trenului, iar cand caruta cu tot cu cei doi conducatori ai ei s-a miscat din loc, omul s-a dus sa isi ia capra si sa-si vada de treaba lui. Nu a mai apucat insa sa o dezlege, pentru ca era spanzurata de bariera care se ridicase intre timp. In loc sa o dezlege cat mai repede, omul si-a pus mainile in cap, s-a luat de par si a inceput sa boceasca.
Andrei, care se afla la locul faptei, ne va da mai multe detalii. Andrei, ai legatura!”
“Multumesc, Andreea. Se pare ca omul in cauza si-a legat capra de bariera pentru a aplana un conflict intre cei doi conducatori ai carutei. Omul a uitat ca avea capra legata de bariera, iar cand bariera a fost ridicata, capra a fost trasa in sus de franghie pana s-a asfixiat. Avem aici cativa martori oculari care au fost de fata cand s-a petrecut nenorocirea. Domnilor, ce imi puteti spune despre acest evenimet?”
“Pai stam si noi aci ca sa sa treaca trenul si la un moment dat am vazut capra cum dadea din picioare…”
“Da domne, am vazut ce a facut omul acela, e inuman ce s-a intamplat, ar trebui pedepsit…”
“Aoleo, murii capra, saraca, asta e semn de la Dumnezeu, ne pedepseste pentru pacatele noastre…”
“Am facut-o de oaie… adica as putea sa zic de capra, stiti… off, o sa ma omoare nevasta-mea cand o auzi…”
“Din pacate capra nu a mai putut fi salvata. Cei de la protectia animalelor au fost sesizati si omul se va alege nu numai cu o capra in minus ci si cu o amenda. Andreea, si legatura”