Bunissima

Anticelulitic remodelant retractant cu efect de anti-recidiva o luna. Ajuta si la dureri de cap?

Pentru ca, desi nu mai stiu in ce retea sunt, telefonul meu imi spune ca e timpul sa o dau pe abba zabba, abba zabba, abba zabba.

Si imi vine sa cant “masina de spalat traieste mai mult cu calgon!”
Hakushika, m-am ametit.

I mean, I understand that, being a simple tranlsator is hard. You don’t always know all the cultural and cuisine stuff form around the world, but, I mean, some things are just simple. This job trains your ear so you get everything people say in a foreign language (you know, sounds, words), especially if you can rewind, even if you don’t understand what it means. Please do not translate “guacamole” as “aguamole” and “banana split” as “banana flips.” Kthanks.

I was having one of those days, feeling melancholic about making a good home made pizza with whatever toppings I wanted, wherever I wanted them and in the quantity I wanted them.
So, I go to the store and buy everything. Everything except the mozzarella. The local stores never have mozzarella. And if one has it, it won’t be for long. I don’t understand why. If people bought it as long as the store had it, it means it sells. But probably not fast enough for them, since they do not bring it back, because it might keep the shelf space that was other way dedicated to the pre-packaged, sliced cheese, 4 pieces a package- that surely costs less and sells faster. Also makes you eat less. 4 in one, as they’d say.
So, after buying everything for my deee-licios, wonderful pizza ( I am a great cook, to be honest), I see that they were having some more cheeses behind the counter and since I could not see everything they had there because the lady kept going back and forth juggling with tomatos, I asked if they had any mozzarella, by chance.
And, being a national and international issue, I just had to be informed. Also probably because i was one of the two people that had asked about mozzarella there in the entire year. The lady at the counter, selling the cheeses and fruits and all, was not just a simple … lady at the counter. No sir’ee, she was also very informed and up to date with the latest news in the food industry and consumer safety.
Not only like a mother, but as a person responsible with the health of the consumer society, she let me know that mozzarella has now been withdrawn from the market because it contains some carcinogenic ingredients or protein of sorts, and untill this is not proven differently, it will not be on the market anymore. So, deeply doubting that fact, and the forthcoming original pizza I was going to make, I realized with regret that there was no mozzarella in that place and in any of the local stores I usually go to. So, I cooperatively asked what kind of ro-ma-ni-an cheese I could get to replace the, oh, so unique, mozzarella. She recommended Penteleu, a soft cheese.
Still hoping to find mozzarella, as bad as it was for my health (pizza is not complete without mozzarella no matter what type of cancer it can bring) I went to the other store. No surprise there, and no mozzarella either. So I got some milk. No, no, I wasn’t gonna make my own mozzarella, I don’t have them… what do you call it, mozzarella making machines, I just wanted to have some of the new super great breakfast cereals, that help you mantain weight, with the condition to exercise regularly and eat moderately. I thought it was worth a non-regular, one-time (to be moderate) try.
And, so, I ended up with Penteleu. A soft cheese coming straight form the milky mountains of Romania and it’s wonderful mozzarella-like cows.

Good for pizza too. Feels like a mozzarella that never gets fully… cooked. Does not ruin the pizza, just makes it feel very “fresh”.

Even so, I still had to find out the truth, because as a Judas that I was, I doubted what the lady said until I was going to see it with my own eyes. What was the truth behind the lady’s words? Was it true that mozzarella is so bad or was she just getting it all wrong? After all , mozzarella is just a cheese, cheese can’t be bad for you, it just makes no sense.
I of course looked online. After finding a lot of pages in italian and portuguese and getting the idea that it was just a national problem in Italy and only with the buffalo milk and not the cow’s milk, I also found a page in english that confirmed all my doubts.
So, the question is, what do the Italian buffalos have to do with romanian mozzarella cow’s cheese?
I tell you, consumer safety.

Una dintre saptamanile trecute- sa fie una, doua, trei, nu mai stiu- am avut una din zilele acelea in care desi aveam ceva de facut la calculator - intotdeuna exista ceva de facut la calculator- atentia mi-a fost atrasa de un film care se difuza pe Pro TV. Nu mai stiam exact cum se numea filmul, si cum curiozitatea ma imboldea, m-am dus pe tv.acasa.ro si am aflat. Era vorba de “Pact cu diavolul.” Insa probabil ca nimeni nu stie ce film e ala “Pact cu diavolul.”
Ei bine, intr-adevar, filmul “Pact cu diavolul” nu exista decat in… romana. Acum, nu ca m-ar deranja, trebuie sa aducem si noi un strop de originalitate, fie el si in traducerea unui film precum “Devil’s advocate.” De fapt, m-am gandit foarte mult la cum se va fi ajuns la aceasta traducere originala. Si trebuie sa va spun ca nu mica mi-a fost mirarea cand am avut cateva revelatii in legatura cu aceasta originala traducere si toate chinurile facerii ei. So, picture this.
Prima saptamana.
Managerul, sau persoana de la Pro TV care se ocupa de supervizor-izarea traducerilor denumirii filmelor vede numele filmului, in engleza, pe lista difuzarilor ce vor urma in doua saptamani.
Se duce direct la Radu si la Andreea, traducatorii principali ai filmelor thriller/groaza/SF/whatever din engleza care se difuzeaza dupa orele 20.00, si le spune asa:
“Bai, fiti atenti, avem o problema serioasa. Adica vor sa difuzeze astia din nou filmu’ ala cu avocatu’ si cu Al Pacino, filmu’ ala se numeste ‘Devil’s Advocate’ in engleza. Acum, stiu ca probabil va intrebati de ce vin eu in persoana la voi sa va vorbesc despre asta” spuse el, aratand cu cana de cafea de parca ar fi fost extensia mainii lui drepte, cautand din ochi confirmarea muta a celor carora li se adresa cana respectiva,” hmm, hmmm, nu-i asa ca sunteti curiosi? Ei hai ma baieti, ce, intervin eu cand nu e treaba mea?! Da’ tre sa va spun acum, ca un crestin cinstit ce sunt, cu familie si copii la care tin mai mult ca la ochii din cap, spuse el privind cu intensitate catre ecranul unde era proiectata reclama la Durex (aici niste rasete infundate se aud de undeva), ei bine, eu nu vreau ca pe postul nostru de televiziune sa se difuzeze un film care se numeste ‘Avocatul diavolului’ pentru ca se intelege foarte usor si de la sine, daca va ganditi logic o clipa ca e acelasi lucru cu ‘Avocatul dracului’. Acum, sa nu va treaca prin cap nici o clipa sa traduceti asa, chiar daca asta inseamna sa adptati si voi, sa gasiti ceva echivalent dar mai bland asa… folositi-va mintea mai baieti, ca de-aia o aveti, ce dracului,” zise el enervat cand vazu privirile fruste ale subordonatilor lui.
A doua saptamana.
Stiti cum sunt femeile grijulii. Andreea isi aduse aminte ca aveau de tradus titlul unui film care nu se cadea sa fie tradus mot-a-mot din engleza.
“Bai Radule, ia ia mana de pe World of Warcraft si fa si tu ceva util, gaseste si tu o traducere pentru filmu’ ala de care ne-a zis sefu’… hai, ce te uiti asa cu ciuda la mine, nu stii ca jocurile ela nu sunt adevarate, e o pierdere de timp…”
“Ba Andreea, io nu iti spun tie sa nu mai citesti barfele alea de doi bani de la sectiunea mondena de pe [numele publicatiei- probabil Can-Can, ca sunt cei mai credibili], ca nu-ti imbunatatesc cu nimic viata.” Vazand ca Andreea se imbufneaza ii spuse impaciuitor “Vezi daca jocul meu e o iluzie, la fel si interesele tale in viata altora. Mai bine facem treaba impreuna, ce zici? In fond nu ai vrea sa am eu toate meritele daca-l traduc, nu?”
“Da ma, da hai bbine, daca zici tu…”
“OK, eu zic sa facem asa, o luam prin excludere. Deci, nu putem Avocatul diavolului, cum s-ar traduce mot-a-mot din engleza, ca noi nu traducem asa fara sa gandim la intelesul de ansamblu, la… tot ansamblul ma intelegi… Deci avocatul dracului nici atat, ca asa a zis sefu’…”
“Ma, da ‘al dracului avocat’ ce ar avea, in fond are doua avantaje: nu e unul dintre titlurile pe care ne-a spus sefu’ sa le evitam si in al doilea rand, pastreaza ideea generala fara sa o copieze intocmai… adica ce zic eu, e perfect!”
“NUNUNU, nu se poate, are cuvantul …” inainte de a spune sa uita imprejur si apoi sopti, facand ochii mari ” drac, are cuvantul drac!” spuse el dand din cap cerand parca aprobare.
“Parol, parol, atunci ce ne facem?!”
“Pai ce crezi ca faem?! … luam o pauza de cafea, hai la o tigara!”
“Bine.”
Dupa 20 de minute.
“Ok, in timp ce tu salivai dupa Diana si dupa fusta ei scurta, eu m-am gandit la ceva. Ce-ar fi sa il traducem ‘Avocatul naibii’?” spuse ea triumfatoare.
“Ma Andreea, io ti-am spus tie, nu putem sa folosim nici un echivalent al cuvantului… (iar se uita imprejur sa nu-l auda nimeni) drac, drac ma intelegi?!?” zise tare, “si mai ales in aceasta ordine: avocat + drac sau diavol sau naiba sau satana sau belzebuth sau necurat sau nevazut sau incornorat sau ..cum dracu’ i-o mai spune” zise el ramanand fara idei.
“Bine… bine, zi-i si tu asa, ca io am crezut ca doar drac sau diavol nu putem folosi. ”
“Uite ce, mai avem cateva zile, sefu o sa vina si o sa ne intrebe si noi ce-i spunem, ca am frecat menta si ca ne-am stors creierii da’ ca nu suntem noi aia care au facut filmu’ si nu ne putem asuma o asa raspundere, sa traducem noi titlul unui film asa de … periculos, cu draci si alte alea!!”
“Radu, alo, alo, tu ai vazut ma filmu?” El ridica din umeri.
“Ok e vorba de unu care e fiu de drac…”
“SSssst, nu mai zice cuvantu’ asta ca imi da fiori pe sira spinarii!”
“Bine tac-su e Satana. Si il gaseste si il angajeaza la firma lui si ii spune ca daca vrea sa aiba tot ce pe lumea asta, trebuie sa se culce cu sora-sa ca sa aiba un urmas demn de toti, anticristul. Si avocatu’ asta nu vrea sa faca intelegerea si se impusca, da’ sa vezi, ca dup-aia isi da seama ca a fost totul doar un fel de premonitie, imaginatie, sau asa ceva…”
“Aha. ce zici de ‘Tatal avocatului’?”
“Nu ba, tre sa pastram si ceva interesant in titlu’. Asa nu o sa se mai uite nimeni, asa cum s-a intamplat cu ‘Black Hawk down’ care a fost tradus ca si ‘Elicopter la pamant’, nu stii ce rating prost a avut, suna ca un film ieftin si de duzina, nu ca unu’ super interesant si de actiune.”
“Bine, bine, ai zis ceva de o intelegere intre tac-su si avocat… sa-i zicem ‘Contract cu diavolul’!”
“Ba, nu e rau… doar ca ala n-a facut nici un contract in cele din urma… adica nu e vorba de un contract propriu-zis..”
“Bine, ma duc sa caut niste sinonime pentru ‘contract’…”
“Lasa, nu te mai deranja, ca stiu eu… ii zicem ‘Pact cu diavolul’, e mai bine.”
“Da, da’ nu ne-a zis sefu ‘ totusi sa nu folosim ‘diavol’ in titlu?”
“Nu ma ca nu mai e ‘avocat’, e doar ‘diavol’, ideea e alta, deci solutia era simpla de la inceput, de fapt nu trebuia sa folosim ‘avocat’.”

‘

My mom and dad have been watching an English tv show where they saw, among other funny things, a scene where a guy takes his future wife at home to introduce her to his parents. While they were talking about how they met and all, the mother starts breastfeeding the “baby” that was soon to get married.
Few hours after, they tell me the story of it. I smiled and said it’s kinda funny, kinda English. My dad says then that it might be some truth in it, since he knew about some kid that was breastfed until 9 years old. And that he was eating bread and sucking the milk directly from the source. And then had more bread and so on. I started laughing this time, with disgust. My dad said he was retarded.
And then my mom says that the more time the kids are breastfed, the less intelligent they are. And then she started saying that she was never breastfed. Having barely finished her sentence my dad says to her “You should start doing this… to catch up.”
Suddenly my dad and I started laughing hysterically and my mom started laughing too, thinking we were laughing about the story from the movie.
After we calm down a bit looking amused at her, she is like “Oh… you are making fun of me.”

The deodorant business must be a really good deal. It has to be very creative.
Just look at these pretty names they have.

And if that was not enough, check this out.

Oh, you saw, you did.

Need I say anything about the name of this here shampoo? Well, just take one letter out, for fun, c’mon, guess which one!
And I will just mention briefly that this is a shampoo with extract of nettle and hair conditioner.

Doua fete in autocar.
-Ia uite ce se alearga oile alea… Is oi, nu-i asa?
-… tuuu, is oi, cum sa nu fie oi, tuu?!
-Pai de unde sa stiu io cum arata oile, io am crescut la oras. Pe noi nu ne-a invatat la gradinita cum arata oile. Nici la scoala nu ne-a invatat ce-s alea oi. Nu am invatat nicaieri.
-Tuu, nu te-am dus io la tara la mine, ti-am aratat vacile si oile mele si… tot?
-Tu nu ai oi tuu, ai vaci… vaco!

Peste vreo douazeci de minute. Aceleasi fete.
-Tu, municipiul e oras, nu?
-Da, da’ exista si capitala de judet, care nu e acelasi lucru cu municipiul!
-Da, adica, Craiova este capitala Olteniei si Bucurestiul este capitala Romaniei, adica e deasupra Craiovei.
-Da ma, da’ fiecare judet are si el capitala lui.

Duude, you so totally have to buy this, says he.