Bunissima

Yes, I am totally sick of it. But before I tell you what I am sick of, I will tell you why and how it has gotten to this.

First, I went to the pool. And then - maybe I got too much water in my ears- I got sick. And kept going. With the sickness but also at the pool (just the weekends though). And, the reward was great. I eventually figured out what I was doing wrong by watching the little kids swimming and I did the same things. I even learned more swimming styles like this. Water is now my friend.

Apart from the swimming accomplishment, my sister’s mouse broke. Well, I should say first drowned and then smacked itself dead on the floor. The secondary option to the scandaluos mouse lack and overwhelming mass sneezing was, undoubtfully, the TV.
I learned all the telenovelas names, the epic of each, and even the schedule. I also got my Spanish and Portuguese improved. I even learned the If conditionnal in Portuguese.

And I am now up to date with all the ads. The usual crap. Coke thinks they can make drool because you hear a guy on the phone swallowing his coke. Germanos is still taking walks and the guy that says “Because you deserve it”, while he touches his face to underline the importance of buying a men’s face cream, looks like he’s still got a lot of work to do with his persuading skills. Including himself.

Above all, I have seen lots of detergent advertising. I mean, lots. Now they have skin balm in the dish detergent, they have intelligent detergent that protects your wash machine from the chalk deposits. And there’s always Calgon…
But I am so angry. I am so totally angry. Can’t they just for once make a man advertise for detergents? Are women meant to wash until the Apocalypse? I mean yeah… I know, men don’t wash, they never have enough time, especially when someone else can do it for them. The part of the brain that is interested in detergents does not exist for men.
But can’t you, even once, for appearances, make a man advertise for detergents? Take the sexiest man, make him walk on the street, chicks turn their heads because he smells so good and his clothes are so clean and bright, there’s a happy air around, fresh and summery. And then him, at home, with a chick (not two, ’cause I tell you, women will feel cheated, but that can be given a chance). “My secret? The so and so detergent!” No more carrying the detergent everywhere you go so you can recomend it when one is in pain, no more intelligent stain detecting hype. Easy huh?

Did I tell you about that chink? I was at the pool and without wanting I heard part of a conversation of some mid-age, high class women. One of them said that she spends like 50 bucks on detergents. Each month. She was pretty proud of it too.

Lately, I started running. I do this in the evening because I never wake up early enough and the rest of the day is really hot. All this happens on a road along a river, where people not only jog and walk but also gather on the side of the road in groups for different reasons. Some come there to smoke and thus give the wonderful opportunity of smoking for free while jogging to the people who jog, some come there to walk their dogs, some to stuck thier tongues in their boyfriens/girlfriend’s throats (get-a-room!), some to fish, some just to STARE or combine all these. But mostly yes, allcaps, S-T-A-R-E, you get the point, annoying, intense staring.

Deci, apply, rinse, repeat, apply, rinse, repeat, apply, rinse repeat… you get the idea, if I state it like so: nu se termina niciodata si ochii tai incep sa iti roteasca fata cam in aceeasi directie cu care masina de splalat isi face treaba aia centrifuga.
Si din nou deci, pentru ca asta e un fel de parodie autodeclamata de propriul limbaj care serveste in fond la a demasca o tragi-comedie moderna si fara intoarcere, deci, cum spuneam, asadar si prin urmare, grecii fac comert pe mare. E vorba de un sens foarte larg al cuvantului “greci” la fel cum si “mare” inseamna uneori “mare distanta.”

Nu stiu de ce numai grecii faceau comert pe mare, dar se pare ca in ultimul timp toti sunt greci intr-o masura oarecare. Tu, eu, ‘coana care vinde legume, supermarketurile, agentiile de publicitate. Acum toata lumea face comert si acesta devine din ce in ce mai inteligent in a te convinge ca ai nevoie de tot ce exista pe lumea asta din magazin, de la standul de cosmetice, de la bricostore. Si daca ai un frigider care nu e indeajuns de impresionant si mare, poti sa faci un credit pentru nevoi personale, pentru ca poti si problema e rezolvata. E ca un fel de eu cu cine votez? tu cu ce echipa tii? tu cu ce marca tii, tu fara ce nu poti sa traiesti?

Dar domnilor, astea sunt doar niste mofturi pe care toata lumea le trece cu vederea, tinand ochii pe jumatate inchisi si plimbandu-se cu cosul prin supermarket.

Exista insa probleme stringente, mult mai serioase, care nu pot fi trecute cu vederea. Una dintre ele este celulita. Nimeni nu poate sa doarma noaptea din cauza celulitei. Este o problema nationala, intenationala, globala, planetara, u-ni-ver-sa-la.

De aceea exista un nou produs, nu spun cine il produce (ca nu-mi amintesc) ca sa nu fac reclama, care te va scapa de griji. Tot ce trebuie sa stii este ca acesta contine lipocafeina destocanta care iti va destoca toata celulita datorita proprietatilor extraordinare ale lipo-cafeinei. Ce o fi aia lipocafeina, nici eu nu pot sa spun. Important e ca ea de-stocheaza grasimile printr-un proces de cafeinizare a lipidelor care incep sa se arda singure intre ele. There. Asta e explicatia. Si acum toti la magazin. Vine vara.

Si cu aceasta ocazie, tin sa anunt pe toata lumea ca voi lansa si eu o noua linie de produse anti-celulitice pe baza de radacina de gard si ceai verde. Se va numi probabil ceva de genul “Exorcise with green tea” iar principiul care ii sta la baza e chiar simplu: extractul de “ceai verde+radacina de gard” va patrunde prin pori, va ajunge in sange si va arde grasimile. Va intrebati probabil cum se va intampla aceasta minune care va revolutiona industria carnii… Well, e simplu. Patrunzand in sange, cafeina in combinatie ultra-supra-extra-hiper-speciala cu radacina de gard va avea asupra utilizatorilor un efect de energizare incredibila care ii va face sa vrea sa faca sport fara sa stea sa se mai gandeasca la cat de lene le este, asa cum se intampla inainte. In consecinta celulita va disparea pur si simplu, fara prea mare efort, errrr, psihic.

Would you buy that? Which one?

Then you get two. I wonder if it was a free ride.

Sibiu bus station. This european-like city lodged some gipsies in the main gara, to my surprise. Surprise I say because in my naivety I was expecting this former european cultural capital to have solved its problems of sorts.

The gypsies were feeling free to do whatever, and since no one seemed to be upset, they can brestfeed the babies right there.

Some others were just minding their own business, waiting for the bus to show up.

The kid, having been fed, was then passed to the granma.

They were basically hanging around, hunting with their eyes the credulous prey. I did not seem to qualify for such an honor, even with my easily noticeable camera that was making me look more like a tourist. I guess that was because I passed the test, when asked something in Romanian I answered back politely in the same language. Some others, less lucky, got surrounded by all these women, and their skirts.

The guy they put their claws on did not look Romanian. And if he was Romanian, he must have been very soft. The gypsy ladies were trying to sell him a fake golden ring and they all seemed to have a problem in getting to an agreement. One of them girls was smarter. She just took the money-that he had the brilliant idea to somehow take out- right from his hand and right away replaced it with the glittering tin. And so he was left, eyes gaping in the sun.