Bunissima

Anticelulitic remodelant retractant cu efect de anti-recidiva o luna. Ajuta si la dureri de cap?

Pentru ca, desi nu mai stiu in ce retea sunt, telefonul meu imi spune ca e timpul sa o dau pe abba zabba, abba zabba, abba zabba.

Si imi vine sa cant “masina de spalat traieste mai mult cu calgon!”
Hakushika, m-am ametit.

for all the Marys, she or he, whether they get pregnant by divine power or by John’s careful planning.

Yes, I am totally sick of it. But before I tell you what I am sick of, I will tell you why and how it has gotten to this.

First, I went to the pool. And then - maybe I got too much water in my ears- I got sick. And kept going. With the sickness but also at the pool (just the weekends though). And, the reward was great. I eventually figured out what I was doing wrong by watching the little kids swimming and I did the same things. I even learned more swimming styles like this. Water is now my friend.

Apart from the swimming accomplishment, my sister’s mouse broke. Well, I should say first drowned and then smacked itself dead on the floor. The secondary option to the scandaluos mouse lack and overwhelming mass sneezing was, undoubtfully, the TV.
I learned all the telenovelas names, the epic of each, and even the schedule. I also got my Spanish and Portuguese improved. I even learned the If conditionnal in Portuguese.

And I am now up to date with all the ads. The usual crap. Coke thinks they can make drool because you hear a guy on the phone swallowing his coke. Germanos is still taking walks and the guy that says “Because you deserve it”, while he touches his face to underline the importance of buying a men’s face cream, looks like he’s still got a lot of work to do with his persuading skills. Including himself.

Above all, I have seen lots of detergent advertising. I mean, lots. Now they have skin balm in the dish detergent, they have intelligent detergent that protects your wash machine from the chalk deposits. And there’s always Calgon…
But I am so angry. I am so totally angry. Can’t they just for once make a man advertise for detergents? Are women meant to wash until the Apocalypse? I mean yeah… I know, men don’t wash, they never have enough time, especially when someone else can do it for them. The part of the brain that is interested in detergents does not exist for men.
But can’t you, even once, for appearances, make a man advertise for detergents? Take the sexiest man, make him walk on the street, chicks turn their heads because he smells so good and his clothes are so clean and bright, there’s a happy air around, fresh and summery. And then him, at home, with a chick (not two, ’cause I tell you, women will feel cheated, but that can be given a chance). “My secret? The so and so detergent!” No more carrying the detergent everywhere you go so you can recomend it when one is in pain, no more intelligent stain detecting hype. Easy huh?

Did I tell you about that chink? I was at the pool and without wanting I heard part of a conversation of some mid-age, high class women. One of them said that she spends like 50 bucks on detergents. Each month. She was pretty proud of it too.

Lately, I started running. I do this in the evening because I never wake up early enough and the rest of the day is really hot. All this happens on a road along a river, where people not only jog and walk but also gather on the side of the road in groups for different reasons. Some come there to smoke and thus give the wonderful opportunity of smoking for free while jogging to the people who jog, some come there to walk their dogs, some to stuck thier tongues in their boyfriens/girlfriend’s throats (get-a-room!), some to fish, some just to STARE or combine all these. But mostly yes, allcaps, S-T-A-R-E, you get the point, annoying, intense staring.

Oare dumnezeu a facut biserica sau biserica l-a facut pe dumnezeu?

Deci, apply, rinse, repeat, apply, rinse, repeat, apply, rinse repeat… you get the idea, if I state it like so: nu se termina niciodata si ochii tai incep sa iti roteasca fata cam in aceeasi directie cu care masina de splalat isi face treaba aia centrifuga.
Si din nou deci, pentru ca asta e un fel de parodie autodeclamata de propriul limbaj care serveste in fond la a demasca o tragi-comedie moderna si fara intoarcere, deci, cum spuneam, asadar si prin urmare, grecii fac comert pe mare. E vorba de un sens foarte larg al cuvantului “greci” la fel cum si “mare” inseamna uneori “mare distanta.”

Nu stiu de ce numai grecii faceau comert pe mare, dar se pare ca in ultimul timp toti sunt greci intr-o masura oarecare. Tu, eu, ‘coana care vinde legume, supermarketurile, agentiile de publicitate. Acum toata lumea face comert si acesta devine din ce in ce mai inteligent in a te convinge ca ai nevoie de tot ce exista pe lumea asta din magazin, de la standul de cosmetice, de la bricostore. Si daca ai un frigider care nu e indeajuns de impresionant si mare, poti sa faci un credit pentru nevoi personale, pentru ca poti si problema e rezolvata. E ca un fel de eu cu cine votez? tu cu ce echipa tii? tu cu ce marca tii, tu fara ce nu poti sa traiesti?

Dar domnilor, astea sunt doar niste mofturi pe care toata lumea le trece cu vederea, tinand ochii pe jumatate inchisi si plimbandu-se cu cosul prin supermarket.

Exista insa probleme stringente, mult mai serioase, care nu pot fi trecute cu vederea. Una dintre ele este celulita. Nimeni nu poate sa doarma noaptea din cauza celulitei. Este o problema nationala, intenationala, globala, planetara, u-ni-ver-sa-la.

De aceea exista un nou produs, nu spun cine il produce (ca nu-mi amintesc) ca sa nu fac reclama, care te va scapa de griji. Tot ce trebuie sa stii este ca acesta contine lipocafeina destocanta care iti va destoca toata celulita datorita proprietatilor extraordinare ale lipo-cafeinei. Ce o fi aia lipocafeina, nici eu nu pot sa spun. Important e ca ea de-stocheaza grasimile printr-un proces de cafeinizare a lipidelor care incep sa se arda singure intre ele. There. Asta e explicatia. Si acum toti la magazin. Vine vara.

Si cu aceasta ocazie, tin sa anunt pe toata lumea ca voi lansa si eu o noua linie de produse anti-celulitice pe baza de radacina de gard si ceai verde. Se va numi probabil ceva de genul “Exorcise with green tea” iar principiul care ii sta la baza e chiar simplu: extractul de “ceai verde+radacina de gard” va patrunde prin pori, va ajunge in sange si va arde grasimile. Va intrebati probabil cum se va intampla aceasta minune care va revolutiona industria carnii… Well, e simplu. Patrunzand in sange, cafeina in combinatie ultra-supra-extra-hiper-speciala cu radacina de gard va avea asupra utilizatorilor un efect de energizare incredibila care ii va face sa vrea sa faca sport fara sa stea sa se mai gandeasca la cat de lene le este, asa cum se intampla inainte. In consecinta celulita va disparea pur si simplu, fara prea mare efort, errrr, psihic.

Would you buy that? Which one?

I know I have not been writing for a long time. Well, I’m just saying in case anyone cares, I have been doing quite a lot of things that brought me joy and kept me busy. Whatsoever, what I am going to tell you about is only half a good thing and you’ll see why.
So, there I was, going out to look for some place new and I was staying there on a bench with the newspaper and a pen calling people, precisely in the downtown of the city, the very downtown of the very city that I live in. Unfortunately, the downtown is like 5 times bigger than the entire city so it’s not quite a thrill to be there (I kid, I kid, it’s more like… 10 times bigger, wink, wink). But that day, oh man! There was a thing in the air, apart from all the wind and the sun, there was a new positive energy that normally lacks around here… and so forth. This wonderful thing, as I was struggling with phone calls and wind, was capturing all my attention so I decided I should let my senses guide me and just follow the sounds that were enchanting my ear. And there they were, the Indians. No, really, true native Americans, singing there in the downtown of this godforsakenplace city.

And I had already decided in my subconscious that they deserved a reward for doing such a good job. Their music was wonderful, really well thought, and I was wondering what were they doing singing on the streets when they could be superstars. They were also offering quite a show, dancing and using all those interesting musical instruments.

My joy was even bigger when I saw they were selling CD’s and I immediately asked how much. After a small misunderstanding, I paid some around 10 bucks, getting over the fact that initially I had understood less. I asked the guy with the CD’s where were they from and he said like he did not want to say it that they were from Bolivia. Happy, I went home and played it on and on untill it was getting annoying to keep hearing it. I however questioned a bit the fact that the songs are all from a concert and in one of them they say “Buenas noches Lima, Peru!”
In a few days Romer!can told me that one of the songs from the CD was very famous. And I was shocked. I did not know if that was a mistake of his or if i had been mistaken, or if it’s all a total mistake and these innocent people were making themselves a mistake. So I proceeded to find out the truth from the holy internet and it told me that all the sons belongs to Alborada, a very famous South American band that was all over the internet and Youtube. I did not feel sorry for spending the money in that CD. I would have never known who Alborada is and why these Alborada representatives came to a country so far away to make money off something that does not belong to them.

My mom and dad have been watching an English tv show where they saw, among other funny things, a scene where a guy takes his future wife at home to introduce her to his parents. While they were talking about how they met and all, the mother starts breastfeeding the “baby” that was soon to get married.
Few hours after, they tell me the story of it. I smiled and said it’s kinda funny, kinda English. My dad says then that it might be some truth in it, since he knew about some kid that was breastfed until 9 years old. And that he was eating bread and sucking the milk directly from the source. And then had more bread and so on. I started laughing this time, with disgust. My dad said he was retarded.
And then my mom says that the more time the kids are breastfed, the less intelligent they are. And then she started saying that she was never breastfed. Having barely finished her sentence my dad says to her “You should start doing this… to catch up.”
Suddenly my dad and I started laughing hysterically and my mom started laughing too, thinking we were laughing about the story from the movie.
After we calm down a bit looking amused at her, she is like “Oh… you are making fun of me.”

The deodorant business must be a really good deal. It has to be very creative.
Just look at these pretty names they have.

And if that was not enough, check this out.

Oh, you saw, you did.